<![CDATA[EDUCATE TO TRANSFORM

<![CDATA[EDUCATE TO TRANSFORM - Blog]]>Thu, 02 Jan 2025 21:53:56 -0800Weebly<![CDATA[The Impact of Your Teaching: The Seeds You Plant Don't Go to Waste]]>Sun, 02 Jun 2019 22:12:54 GMThttp://lovisafung.com/blog/the-impact-of-your-teaching-the-seeds-you-plant-dont-go-to-waste

As teachers, we often hear that planting the seeds do matter for our students. We may not get to see how all the seeds will grow; we plant the seeds anyway, without expecting that we would see the results. The truth is, we get to see some of the seeds grow during and by the end of the school year. However, what about the seeds that we have planted that have not grown yet but is still waiting to blossom and bloom long after our students have left our classroom? What happens when we do get to catch a glimpse of those seeds that we have planted?

When I was completing my master's research project ten years ago, I had to come up with a topic to research on. Admittedly, at that time, I saw completing the research project as a means to graduate so that I can finally become a full-fledged teacher. When everyone around me came up with amazing projects to do research on, I was lost, until one day, my friend asked this one seemingly simple question that changed the entire trajectory of my research project and the way I continue to approach my teaching and my life to this day:

“Why do you want to become a teacher?”

The question of considering "why" we do what we do gets into the heart of our purpose and intentions. Simon Sinek, the author of "Start with Why", talks about the golden circle that consists of three concentric circles where "why" is at the innermost layer of the circles, then "how", and then "what". He asserts that great leaders work from the inside out; that they start with "why" they do what they do, then venture into how to do this, and then what they will do. My friend's question to get me to think about why I do what I do cause me to trace my own narrative back to a teacher that inspired me and continues to inspire me to this day, Ms. P.

I met Ms. P during my final year of high school when I was going through a difficult time. I did not have friends; I barely went to my classes; I was involved with the wrong crowd at times, taking drugs to numb myself. I had very low self-esteem and often felt isolated from my peers. I remember one particular day when I thought that I had finally had enough of this life, and had every intention to end my life that day, only that I would see Ms. P one last time in her class before I went home to end my life.

I remember walking into her classroom vividly that day; I was early. There was already something put on my desk: a small hat and a card of Mother Teresa. Bewildered and curious, I walked over to my desk, sat down, took one puzzled look at the hat and then flipped over the card. It says: “I take my hat off to you, Lovisa. You are not afraid to shine your light into the darkness of the world. You believe in the power of one. So did Mother Teresa and she changed the world. All the best, always.”

That day, I did not end my life.
Without her knowing it, this teacher, with her gesture of showing
that she believed in me
sparked an inkling in me to think that I can do this thing called life,
that I can keep going.

So when my friend asked me why I want to become a teacher to get me to come up with a research topic that resonates with me, I immediately knew inspirational, heart-centered teaching is what I will focus my research on. To this day, in my doctoral journey, I am still completing research that’s focused on heart-centred teaching and teaching that honours educators’ narratives. It is not hard to remember why I am drawn to this. It is also not hard to continue to stay committed to this because of my own narrative.

Some people might say a teacher’s only prerogative is to teach subject content and that the ethical and moral dimension of teaching (which includes care) does not matter. Whenever I encounter this, I am reminded of Elizabeth Campbell’s book “The Ethical Teacher” and the reasons she provides why the ethical and moral dimension matters:

The compulsory nature of schooling: children are mandated to go to school. You’re not mandated to become a teacher; you get to choose to become a teacher. Moreover, students don't get to choose which teachers they would like to learn from/with.
Children are part of the vulnerable sector.
Day in and day out, when a teacher praises or humiliates a child in the classroom, not only is that particular child experiencing and witnessing this, but you've got a whole class of children seeing this as well. Even parents don't have that power.

Care goes a long way in our teaching practices; you can never know how much it may mean to the students you are teaching. My story with Ms. P is just one of many stories of how a teacher touched a student's life. I am not saying that you have to be inspiring; I am merely introducing you to this and the potential that this profession has.

So, if you are curious about why you want to be a teacher/became a teacher, and what can continue to renew and restore your commitment and passion in teaching, I invite you to think about these questions:

What's your narrative?
What is meaningful to you, and why?
How do you want to contribute to your surroundings as a result of your own unique stories?

I invite you to explore this, and I dare you to live your message, loud and clear, in your personal and your professional life. No, it's not a requirement to live this way, but see what happens when you start to live from your heart one moment at a time, one day at a time.

Here’s a 4-minute documentary (see below) that I created about Ms. P.
I had the privilege to interview some of her former students to share and celebrate that indeed, teachers do make a difference.

I hope you will remember that everything that you do as a teacher matters in the classroom; nothing goes to waste. This documentary is not just about Ms. P, but a tribute to all the teachers out there who genuinely love and care about what they do. To all the students that you teach and those that you will teach in the future, I thank you.

]]><![CDATA[It's Not Just About Consent: Raise Girls who Feel Natural to Speak Up]]>Wed, 29 May 2019 19:52:23 GMThttp://lovisafung.com/blog/its-not-just-about-consent-raise-girls-who-feel-natural-to-speak-up

We've come a long way in education where we are now encouraging and being intentional about teaching our young girls about consent and the power of saying no in situations where they do not feel ready or safe. As I think about this, I am reminded that

it’s not just about consent; it’s about raising our girls to be able to and ready to speak their truth in everyday moments AND their most vulnerable moments.

Since I was young girl, I have been told, groomed and made to adopt the philosophy of “sit down, shut up and look pretty” and when in school, it was “sit down, be quiet and do your work.” When we unpack these messages that are being sent to girls at a young age, what are we saying to them on what makes them worthy and valued in their surroundings? It says, your appearance matters above all else, be docile, do things to get approval from and be liked by others at the expense of giving up yourself.

When we teach them about consent and be empowered to say no, this ultimately means, to develop and assert their own voice. That's a tall order for some if a young girl haven't had the space, opportunity or encouragement to do so in their daily life. It takes baby steps; it’s not a sprint. It starts with being able to speak up when you've got the wrong order at a coffee shop and having the courage to announce that to the barista instead of falling back to the "nice girl" syndrome not to inconvenience someone. It starts with being in math class in kindergarten when your teacher asks you to vote what's your favourite color, and instead of looking at your peers to see what they would like, to actually assert and own your preferences and ideas.

It starts with embracing the daily realities that our children are faced with and acknowledging that these are the very moments where we can, as teachers, parents and caring adults, guide them to share their voices without them feeling guilty, the need to be approved or worrying that they are disappointing another when they speak and walk their truth. It is ultimately about not being afraid to be seen for who they are.

In school, children are conditioned since the moment they step foot into a classroom, to play the game of school: that you will be successful at it if you give up yourself to make sure you are saying, hearing and doing things that the teacher and your surroundings want to hear and want to see. When we translate this back to young girls growing up, the result is that our girls are paralyzed with a deep fear that if they are to speak on their own behalf, they would be rejected, punished or disapproved.

So, how does this relate to consent? It means that sometimes young girls, teenagers and young adults, inside themselves, in the stillness of their hearts, have an opinion and know what they want or don't want, but they might say one thing on the surface and mean another thing inside themselves.

Their "yes" to someone else might actually mean "no" inside themselves. But they have been conditioned to please that they sometimes do not dare to hold up boundaries with a resounding "no".

When I think about my own experiences as a young girl, teen, young adult and now a women, I'd given “consent” in certain situations by saying yes when actually inside me I knew I wanted to say no. How many times have I/we done/did this? Whether it is a one-time decision that required you to answer and take action on the spot, or whether it is a slow process of giving up who you are and your authentic voice in your work, schooling, personal relationships? How many times have I given up on who I am and melded myself into what other people needed me to be so they would feel comfortable, but I, contorted in the process?

It is still an ongoing journey for me, but my point is, our girls need practice, support and guidance with this everyday in their lives: from making seemingly mundane choices like speaking up and sharing your preferences on what is your favourite color, to when the barista accidentally messed up your order, to going to a house party in undergrad with someone is pressuring you to do things you don't want to do.

So, what can we do as teachers in the classroom? We give them room to speak up; we intentionally give them opportunities to share themselves through our daily lessons in various subject areas where they can feel comfortable to state their preferences, claim their experiences and express their perspectives. Intentional heart-centered activities such as expressive writing, sharing circles, thoughtful questioning and reflecting are effective practices, too.

But I believe all this can only work and be a step forward if we as teachers do the work ourselves, too.

I remember once when I interviewed an inspiring teacher for my master's thesis, he said, “You know, two people can have the same lesson plan, classroom and resource materials, but one delivery is much more effective, why is that? It's because of their life experiences and what they are willing to learn from them. The more you are willing to learn from your own life, the more meaning there could be behind your actions, behind your words."

In the midst of raising our girls up so they can rise up and be strong, kind, and speak and live their truth boldly, we also need to do that as teachers in our personal and professional lives. When we work and learn together, we build a stronger, more empathetic, and more respectful and harmonious environment within our immediate surroundings. Like a ripple effect, this is how we can shift ourselves, each other and our surroundings one step at a time, one decision at a time, one day at a time.

Resources for you to rise up as a woman and use that wisdom to guide our young girls:
1. Women Who Run With the Wolves By: Clarissa Pinkola Estes
2. Succulent Wild Woman By: Sark
3. Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls
By: Mary Pipher
4. Playing Big By: Tara Mohr

]]><![CDATA[Are You Living a Eulogy Life or a Resume Life?]]>Mon, 27 May 2019 18:53:09 GMThttp://lovisafung.com/blog/are-you-living-a-eulogy-life-or-a-resume-life

“Are you living a eulogy life or a resume life?” This was a question that my professor, Jack Miller, asked us in a graduate class. It was a question that really stayed with me; now and then when I am making career choices or personal choices in my life, his question will pop up into my mind again.

In our surroundings from our family life to school to social media platforms, time and time again, we are bombarded with messages to live our best lives connected to career choices. When you think about it, a question that we ask of our students since kindergarten and throughout elementary, high school, undergraduate to graduate school is this: “What do you want to be when you grow up/when you finish that degree?” I remember, as an elementary school teacher, I was also focused on asking my students what they want to be. Many hands would shoot up in the air with enthusiasm with answers such as “Doctor!”, “Lawyer!”, “Dancer!”, etc.

Seldom do we ask our students this question: “WHO do you want to become?”

I believe that cultivating who we are is what will help us grow in wisdom, kindness and respect for each other and our surroundings. The “what” (your career aspirations) is essential, but as we all know, that can continue to shift and change, and it’s not something that is guaranteed to be a part of who you are. What happens when you lose your job? What happens when you are still an aspiring academic, like me, who is unsure of her footing in her career? What is my identity when I feel as though I am in the in-between? Not quite x, y, z yet but always looking towards the future to define who I am?

I believe that whether it is you are already working in your dream job or still looking or unhappy with your job, the one thing you can work on and remains within you is who you are as a person; how you treat people in your surroundings. When you are a barista or a waitress as you are waiting to become a teacher (like most undergrad students I teach who are in the position of trying to find out what they want to be), I often remind them: who you are remains the same whether or not you become a teacher yet. It’s not like once you reach your goals, and suddenly you are also filled with respect, care, joy and kindness towards yourself and others.

You are who you are at any given moment in time.
I think that’s a very powerful and important thing to get our students to understand and ponder.

When we dismiss the cultivation of who we are starting from childhood, it makes children grow up into adults who are wired for material success only and the pressure to brand themselves into something marketable to be deemed a worthy and desirable person in society. I have seen and witnessed this pressure happen way too often. It starts from when they are children, and we consistently put it into their heads to think about WHAT to be so much so that by the time they are in undergrad, they get into panic mode and pressure themselves to figure out fast what to do after they graduate. The result is witnessing students coming into my classes breaking down and explaining to me that they are just so tired and pressured; they don’t even know why they are going to school, who they are and how much of a failure they often feel.

I am not saying that thinking about your career aspirations is not essential, if anything, I am the queen of continually thinking about my work. But in the midst of chasing what you want to be, I think it’s about time we start to cultivate and live the question, “WHO do you want to become?”

In a time of educational crisis with all that’s happening in our surroundings, we might ask ourselves, what happened to us? Why are there so many power hungry people who use power for all the wrong/selfish reasons? We have conditioned children long ago (with no ill intent) to want to encourage them to be all that they are by getting them to focus on what they want to be that we forget to nurture who they are and who they are becoming. The result is that sometimes children grow up to become adults who will do anything to get what they want and what career they want to have with no regard for their individual and collective humanity.

Marianne Williamson once said,
“Love, not money should be humanity’s bottom line. Who if not us will stand up to say this?
Who if not us to lead
the revolution in consciousness
that is humanity’s next step?”

I encourage you to start asking and living this question with yourself AND with your students, “Who are you? Who do you want to become?”
You might get answers like:

I want to be kind.
I want to be respectful.
I want to be caring.
I want to be free.
I want to be loving.

Good then. You’re off to a good start. There is a lot more work to be done, but the dialogue has begun.

]]><![CDATA[Message to Our Students: You are not a human doing, but a human being]]>Sun, 26 May 2019 20:06:50 GMThttp://lovisafung.com/blog/message-to-our-students-you-are-not-a-human-doing-but-a-human-being

“Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it.”-Unknown

It's okay to ask for help. Asking for help is not a weakness, but a strength. We don't know everything all the time, and we need support to build up our confidence, efficacy and sense of wellbeing as a teacher and as a person.

Growing up, I was taught and was conditioned in various living environments as a child to depend on myself, that being self-made is what makes one strong and the only solution to conquer our fears and doubts. It took sleep problems and a recent panic attack, followed by days of being in a panicked state to realize that as much as you can be passionate about what you do, be a go-getter and have hopes and aspirations to change the world by shifting your surroundings, sometimes your body needs rest.

I remember reading about Sonia Choquette's experience in her book, "Traveling at the Speed of Love" where she shared about how although her mind and spirit has a plethora of ideas and practices that she wants to bring forth into her professional life the body sometimes needs to rest and is not quite ready for that.

I did not think about this mind-body connection until having to experience this anxiety now, where it is showing me what my limits are, and when it is that I need to take a break.

Slowing down is hard for me because I have always been trained
to think, from my parents and in school,
that we have to work hard to get what we want
and to reach our potential and aspirations.

So what do I do? I tend to jam up my schedule to make sure I am being productive to the point of exhaustion but refusing to admit that I am exhausted. When I do feel exhausted, there is always another coffee right at arm's length (so I reassure myself).
Sure, I know these days there is a lot of talk about mindfulness, self-care and taking care of our mental health in education for teachers and students. However, to actually let go and allow myself to engage in these practices feels self-indulgent and almost brings me a sense of guilt. There is the feeling of guilt for not spending more time looking over the next lesson that I am teaching, or reading another book related to what I am teaching, or putting in more time to answer my work emails and make appointments to support my students; the list goes on.

It took my body to finally shut down by having a panic attack, followed by days of being in a state of underlying panic as I go about my routines, that I realize I need to stop.

Stop and breathe. Stop and breathe.
Stop and breathe
AND to go and reach out to friends and family for support.

It wasn't until I reached out to talk to them that I realize all around me there are people who do care and that it is not a bother to someone when you need help and reassurance. This is important to feel as a person and as an educator because I have always told my students (no matter preschool, elementary, high school or undergraduate) never to hesitate to ask for help because getting support when you know you need it is the smartest thing to do; we can't go about everything all on our own. Funny that the advice that I doled out to my students all these years is becoming something I have to live through to truly understand that asking for help for some may be a difficult thing to do, despite how supportive you may seem as a teacher, as an adult, as a parent, etc.

This experience is showing me that sometimes asking for help, in some students’ eyes, may be linked to the stigma that not knowing something or not doing something on your own is a weakness, and that it may also indicate you are imperfect (even though they have been told time and time again that perfection cannot be attained). The fact is though, when we think about the messages that we send to our students (i.e., "be all that you can be"; "reach for the stars"; "you can do anything you put your mind to", etc.) while coming from good intentions and an honest and loving place in our hearts, can sometimes be overwhelming. I am not suggesting to do away with the positive and encouraging messages at all; what I am suggesting is that sometimes it's alright to just be.

To let students have the space to feel like they are in the in-between and that it is alright,
to not move it or fix it,
but sit with it and
think about what it is that
they are learning
and accepting about themselves at this moment.

I am learning from my own panic attack experience that my mind is telling me to continue to forge ahead, to shift gears, to think of exciting new projects to distract myself and to not stay stagnant in my panicked state, but my body is now showing me this needs to change. When trying to get out of a panicked state, it is not about being productive. Instead, try sitting with it, soothing it with deep breathing, getting support from loved ones, and putting that productive mind on hold. My body needs this to reset and find the balance again.

So when we approach and relate to our students, I am starting to understand that yes, you can be all that you can be. Yes, you can reach for the stars. Yes, it's essential to be dedicated, hardworking and think about what you can contribute the world with your unique talents. But, don't forget to marvel at where you are right now and rest when you need to.

You are, after all, not a human doing, but a human being.

Your worth is not dependent on what you do or don't do; it's who you are and how you see yourself, others and your surroundings, no matter if you are in that productive headspace or when you are in the space for needing respite and rest. As an educator, I always strive to make sure that my students are kind to themselves and each other; it is about time that I learn to be kind to myself, too. John Gatto once said, "We teach who we are, loud and clear, even if a word is not uttered." From this experience, I am being reminded once again that by taking rest and honoring that I am worthy even when I need to take a break, is not only helping me to restore balance, but be an example for my students, not only through my words but my presence, too.

]]><![CDATA[Mentor Mondays: Original feature from www.rachelweinstock.com]]>Tue, 30 May 2017 07:00:00 GMThttp://lovisafung.com/blog/mentor-mondays-original-feature-from-wwwrachelweinstockcom

This is an interview conducted by Rachel Weinstock on me that was featured on her website Mentor Mondays:

1) What/who inspired you to be a teacher/educator?
I will share a personal story here to illustrate how powerful and inspiring an educator can be: I had an inspirational high school teacher, Ms. P, who believed in me and saw something in me, at a time when I didn't believe in myself.

I was going through a difficult time in high school: I was a recluse-one of those kids who had no friends; and, also had depression and anxiety, in addition to substance abuse. I recall one day that I finally had enough of my life and was going to end my life, but that I would go attend Ms. P's class one last time. As I walked into her classroom, I saw something on my desk (only on mine): a small hat and a card with a Mother Teresa image. I flipped over the card and it says:

"I take my hat off to you.
You are not afraid to shine
your light into the darkness of the world.
You believe in the power of one,
so did Mother Teresa,
and she changed the world"

It was then and there that I recognize how powerful, inspiring and life-changing that a teacher can be in a student's life. I am still standing here today; and, I have made it my life's purpose and vision to bring compassionate teaching into the forefront of education because of my former teacher who has set an example for me.

2) Did you always dream of working in the field of education?

No. I think more so that life experiences led me to teaching: It was through my experience with my former high school teacher (described above) that led me to want to become a teacher. It was also through some other life-altering episodes in my life that led me to one day accept an invite from a friend to volunteer in a classroom. I remember walking into the grade one classroom and thinking to myself
"This feels like home. Now I know what I want to do-I want to become a teacher".

3) What would you say are the most important qualities an teacher/educator needs to have when working with students?

Compassion, self-awareness, and the ability to be observant. You have to be astutely aware of your surroundings and what's going on inside and outside of yourself as you teach. This helps to foster self-awareness, and, with self-awareness comes understanding and compassion.

4) What challenges you the most as a teacher/educator?
The demands of curriculum with standardized testing and testing/marks as the be-all-and-end-all. Teaching to me is more than academics; it is about the self-actualization of students: the process of inner consciousness to outer consciousness to create a more compassionate, inspired next generation.

5) If you could add or change three things about teaching what would it be and why?

a) I would bring in the human dimension of teaching as the essence in teaching because
I firmly believe that the relationships with the children come first above all else.

b) The ethical and moral dimensions of teaching needs to be brought to awareness, this is because, as my doctoral supervisor, Elizabeth Campbell says, children are the vulnerable sector; and, the compulsory nature of schooling: children do not get to choose to go to school or not. They also do not get to choose their teacher. Also, as I recall from the book "The Moral Life of Schools": no other profession has the power of having groups of children together for long periods of time where when the adult uplifts a child, other children are there to witness; and, also the reverse: when the adult humiliates a child, a whole group of children gets to witness that as well. Even parents don't have that power. Teaching is inherently infused with the ethical and the moral; and, we owe it to our students that we pay attention to that as teachers.

c) The hope that people pursue teaching because it is their calling; their passion. Teaching can have such a potential in shifting and transforming lives that I really do believe, teaching is a job of the soul.

6) What do you want people who are not a part of the education system to know?

Teachers have a myriad of responsibilities and accountability on their plate, and on top of that, day in and day out they are with the most vulnerable, the most perceptive: our children. Hence, Teaching is not a job for the faint of heart. In fact, from my own experience, I believe teaching is a career that has the unique position of influencing, inspiring and determining what our next generation, essentially, our future will look like. The kind of world we would like to live in and we would like to envision---teaching has the power to be a part of that evolution and transformation. I would not suggest people go into teaching as a back up plan; teaching is a calling.

7) What is one of the most valuable lessons you have learned as a teacher/educator?

Teaching is truly, in its essence,
a conversation between hearts.

Compassionate teaching and love in action is what teaching is all about. You can have a grasp of all the latest teaching techniques out there, and take numerous workshops and read books about educational trends and topics that pertain to what you are teaching. However, it is truly in the relationships that you built with students that can transform a classroom into one of learning that is ripe with inspiring moments; and, one that affirms, celebrates, and nurtures students' well-being and identity.

8) If you could teach just one lesson to students that they would remember for their rest of their lives what would you want to say?
If I could teach one lesson to students that they would remember for the rest of their lives it would be...to never underestimate the power of one individual in making a difference; that each of us have the ability to impact one another like a domino effect. You never know where the inspiration can go, and the profound impact you can have. That ripple effect is what makes the world more compassionate, more loving, and more caring.

]]><![CDATA[Current Quotes of Inspiration]]>Sun, 18 Sep 2016 21:25:33 GMThttp://lovisafung.com/blog/current-quotes-of-inspiration"The next right thing, one thing at a time-will bring you all the way home."

"Whatever loving and being loved looked like at your house, whatever you were taught was required to get or maintain love, will be the primary ingredients in your love recipe."

"Your doing should come from your being."

"If you are willing to look at another person's behaviour toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than as a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time cease to react at all."

"If you are living a life that deflects the good, why are you so surprised that the good is not here? Every judgemental thought, every obsession with the past or the future rather than living fully in the moment; every blame rather than blessing; every ambition rather than inspiration; every sales instead of service, why are you so surprised? What's the mystery here?"

"Are you sure of your perceptions?"]]><![CDATA[What is Your Passion and Purpose a.k.a. Your Authentic Self?]]>Thu, 02 Jul 2015 01:15:30 GMThttp://lovisafung.com/blog/what-is-your-passion-and-purpose-aka-your-authentic-self

At one point or another in our lives, I know that each and every one of us has been inspired and led by our life experiences to question our existence by asking this question: “what is my passion and purpose in life?” In Paulo Coelho’s book, “The Alchemist”, he introduces the concept of “personal legend” as the truest path and calling that each of us have in our life, that we have every capacity to actualize. Oprah calls it our “supreme destiny”: this is when where we are living the “fullest, truest, and highest expression of ourselves”. Although there may be different names for it, the essence is the same: it is all about living a path in life that resonates most with your heart and your truth.

Tonight, I went to a workshop. We did an activity where we had to write an acrostic poem for the word BLUEPRINT to write down our own personal manifesto on how to live our own unique blueprint in our every day lives. It was an intuitive, fun and reflective exercise that helped me come up with a clearer understanding on what I believe and what I stand for.

Here is mine:

B e present in the moment. The past is gone, the future is yet to come. Create
beauty. Right here, right now.

L ive the highest, truest, brightest version of myself by following my heart,
my inner spark.

U nderstand that everyone has different perspectives. You can’t control what

           they see or how they interpret situations, but you can choose to decide

           what you see in a given situation. Choose love. Always.

E mbrace my intuition and always stay true to my intentions. In any given

            situation, ask yourself, “what is my truest intention?” This is your

            inner compass.

P erspective: the miracle in life to me is whatever situations and people come

            into my life, I have the choice to shift my perspective. Choose loving
  thoughts moment to moment, day by day.

R eflect: take time to reflect and be honest with yourself. Know that people and

            situations are there for the purpose of helping you grow and expand your

            awareness.

I ntuition: Trust your intuition. Know that your intuition is the soft voice in

            your heart, your inner compass and inner wisdom.

N ever settle for less than what you deserve in life. Do more of what makes

            your heart sing and your soul soar.

T     reat yourself with compassion, care and love. Know that it all begins with
  self care before we are able to truly share our hearts with others fully.

© 2015 Lovisa Fung. All Rights Reserved.

]]><![CDATA[The Pinnacle Moment that Got Me Back to Myself]]>Thu, 02 Jul 2015 00:49:59 GMThttp://lovisafung.com/blog/the-pinnacle-moment-that-got-me-back-to-myself

“The frivolity of the night began to detach itself away from me-fall away.” ~ Kevin Sessums

This is quite possibly the most liberating and honest way to sum up the relationship I had with you, why I decided to leave and what persuaded me to get back to my humanness, my humanity, the center of my soul and heart’s longing:

Walking into the gala, I feel a surge of nervousness, of uncertainty tinged with sadness and intoxicated anticipation. Through the looking glass I stared at myself as I waltzed into the front room to hand over my name. I look around me-the excessive outfits, the air of desperate attention fills my vision with uneasiness as I stared once more at the looking glass: this is not me, this is not me, this is not me.The emptiness of the fraudulent night had just begun and already I am filled with an all-consuming suffocation in my heart. The moment I enter into the gala with you, I immediately needed with such an intense and impatient desire to concoct, douse and fabricate my soul with courage in a glass so as to fit myself into your world of parties, glitter and glamour. Standing beside you and knowing that I don’t belong, I feel as though I am hindering your chances of boasting yourself and shining your ego with others. I felt it and knew it in my heart. As the intensity of this feeling creeps into me, I wash it away gulp by gulp with my courage in a glass. I asked for another glass. And then another. And another.

We sat down. The frivolous dinner begins. Everything becomes a blur of counterfeit enjoyment, a circus of glittering hopelessness in my heart. As I drank and ate and played pretend beside you, with each bite and each gulp and each glance at the stage, I begin to disappear more and more into the fictitious night.

In the car, with Miss. Ocktoberfest and a roadie-full of others dedicated to the slave of deceitful nights, I along with you, hopped into the car to take over the night. We ended our destination at a bar. Stumbling in, I feel as though the courage in a glass is subsiding, I needed more to sustain, to maintain my pretension for you. We immediately placed another courage in a glass in my delicate, trembling hands. The chatter of nothingness wavers into the stifling air around me creating smoke and mirrors to our fog-filled souls. A sudden, stronger than life realization dawns on me as the pinnacle moment of emptiness flashed before my eyes: sitting there with all of them, staring at the laughing waitresses-turned-glamazons with their endless, pseudo chatter, and men all around me boasting their extravagant egos as they saturate their souls with frenzied, wretched validation…all I wanted to do was to run, run away as fast as I could back to the home of my untainted heart, back to where I was pure and beautiful and strong.

As we silently struggle with each other’s heartstrings-with you wanting to continue to disappear and fade into the backdrop of your heart, I knew I have lost you. I knew the “frivolity of the night” had won.

© 2015 Lovisa Fung. All Rights Reserved.

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